Hi guys!
Wow. It has been a while. I have continuously talked about having "a lot going on" in my life and taking weeks, if not months, off from posting. And I hate myself for it. I finally think I'm ready to talk about what has been going on. When I mentioned talking about this on the blog, most everyone told me that I shouldn't feel the need to. And I wouldn't talk about what I'm going to if I didn't think it would be relevant to anyone else.

For the past few years, I have been struggling with depression. The depression has invaded my life in every way possible; schoolwork, hobbies, friends, family, and anything else you could imagine. This includes my physical health. Mental and physical health are interconnected, so with poor mental health came a lot of physical problems. For example I have chronic migraines (which has gotten MUCH better!) and chronic headaches. If you have ever had a splitting headache for extended periods of time, you know what I am talking about... I am not sharing because I want pity or attention, I want anyone else going through a mental health issue to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is ALWAYS someone you can talk to-- I go to my school psychologist, teachers, friends, parents (sometimes...), and professional help. I find that creating an amazing support system gets me through every day.

I decided to write this today because something clicked inside me. I was walking into my physical education class when one of the teachers stopped me and said "you have such an infectious smile. You must get that a lot." I was shocked and replied, "nope. Nobody has ever told me that..." Thats when I realized that I really was changing and doing better. Obviously I am not changed, or better; I still came home from school and napped and avoided homework, but the fact that my intense RBF has started wearing off proves that I will, and CAN, get to a better place.

If you've made it this far into the post I can guess that you are feeling one of three things...
1. You are really interested in my life
2. You really dislike me and were hoping for a different ending
or 3. You share some of these emotions

Any of these 3 feelings are completely reasonable and valid. Speaking to point 3 more specifically, I want you to know that you are not alone, and that the best cure is to talk out your feelings. No matter how hard this is (I spent almost a year in therapy with hour long silent sessions because I wouldn't talk. I know how that is), it is ALWAYS worth the outcome. Please please please reach out to anyone who could help you (I'm always happy to insta DM people if they don't know who else to talk to).

I actually have some more life updates to share with you because this has actually been pretty therapeutic, but I'll share them in another post to avoid boring you.

Thank you so much for being patient with me and for reading this.


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